The blackbirds, they follow me, call to me, sing with me. I see them wherever I am as guardians watching over me. The time has come to let go this Spring during this massive retrograde. To turn within instead of looking forward. I remain still and question what it is that is making me itch, what is blocking me, what is pounding on my heart and head. I call to the wild somewhere in this city and find peace in glimpses of nature. The time has come to detox, again. Preparing to quit has to be the hardest part. It is the beginning. Yet, it is the end. I look to my ashtray as a friend and enemy. You must go. I look to my lighters. I need fire for sage, candles, holy things. Not for this cigarette anymore. I must make peace with this element. This holy gift on Earth and cherish it for what it is. I must see fire in a new light. As a tool for change. There is no other way anymore. We are ascending and up I must go.
Setting a quit date is a day of reckoning for me. I must keep my promise to God. I must believe in myself. I will do it. I will count all the reasons why. I write them out and post them on my fridge or wall for all to see. This is why I am a non smoker. This is why I quit today and everyday forward. This is my motivation. This is my sanity. This is my devotion. This is my list of why. I take an inside look and begin again. Yet, again.