I keep writing and I feel like you don’t care or even hear. I’m sorry for everything and even more than that I’m sorry for having to be sorry. Regret, guilt, shame.
Life is too short and if I don’t set things right with you not only will I never have the chance to stay sober, I’ll never have the chance to be free nor to just break this prideful stance and say to you how much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me. I love you and love never stops. It’s neverending and eternal. It’s unconditional and infinite.
Somewhere along the way I lost you. I lost me. I lost us. My life makes sense when I see you as in it and when you’re not, it somehow falls apart. I don’t know how to fix this or if you want to.
Somewhere, someday, someway, in this life or the next, I know you and I have a love to be made and found. So I guess this is a toast to that space and time.
Until then, may you be held by light.