I graduated from high school in 1993 and then obtained a BA in English from Cal in 1997. After college, I pursued a career in education which would span most of my adulthood. I learned many lessons. The most valuable lesson was that I was not meant to be in a traditional classroom setting. I was suffocating and failing. Every time.
I did a stint as an editorial assistant for a national New Age magazine from approx. ’99 to ’00. The magazine was involved in a scandal and went quickly bankrupt as a result. I continued my friendship with the owner’s daughter, my boss. We became best friends for almost 14 years. She crossed over in 2012.
My grandfather committed suicide when I was 20 years old. This had a huge impact on my life and ultimately thrust me into avid seeker mode and resulted in a nervous breakdown in ’98.
I was diagnosed bipolar in April, 1998 at a psych ward in Redding, CA. I had gone mad and crashed my car on I-5 in the middle of the night. I didn’t know my phone number. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know who I was for awhile. I had entered into another dimension, an alternative reality. It was a fearful one. I was scared of the alien’s coming for me. Were they? I thought the police wanted to harm me and would only allow the firefighters to touch and help me.
I also met AA AZRAEL. This figure (which looked almost spot on like the Grim Reaper) appeared right before I crashed my car. My sense of it was that he protected my life that night in many ways. He saved my life, gave me a new soul purpose and a new soul energy, a new life, and re-calibrated my frequency.
This all can sound very mad and outrageous.
That was my reality.
These days I continue, as I have since being diagnosed in ‘98, to take my medicine. There is a huge difference between a medicated bipolar person and a non-medicated one or, one who is not medicated appropriately. I strive to work daily on maximizing my health and frequency. I eat well, practice good sleep habits, exercise and work a spiritual program. This, along with talk therapy and seeing my psychiatrist, are the foundation of my good health. I also rely heavily on Spirit. When I do get off balance, my awareness of self and my Higher Self have had an uncanny way of steering me back on course.
I am God’s holy child. This is how I must first identify myself. I am a mother. This is my second mode of identity. Finally. I am a sister, daughter, friend, neighbor, etc. These relationships are all secondary to my role as mother. My child’s needs come before mine. But I must put God first in order for my life to work.
I am a believer in raw, organic flow. I love candid honesty and I think peeling the onion allows us to delve deeper into ourselves. Truth comes from within. We our the greatest teachers of our own lives. We learn best through trial and error and through cause and effect.
Lessons repeat until learned or mastered and one of the most powerful lessons we are here to learn, I have discovered, is to love: to love ourselves, to love each other, to love our life, to love the planet, to give and receive love, etc. etc. It is this journey that I am most interested in. This journey of love is my guide and my teacher. Won’t you come along with me?